Why do I feel this way?

Bloghopping today has left me feeling more sad and confused than relaxed and contented as I usually feel. Chanced on some audio blogs and could not help myself but admire at the amazing talent we have out there.

So, I should be happy that I got to listen to some amazing stuff, but why am I feeling depressed? Why am I feeling as if I have betrayed myself?

I am feeling I am in the wrong place! I should have been somewhere there too.... What am I doing with Java? I do not belong to the world of endless for-loops, countless if-else statements, unecessary customizations! oh God! what have I done to myself?

I should have been playing with swaras and thaalas. I should have been choreographing dance dramas!

Now when I look back, 15+ years of music and dance learnings have all gone down the drain! Why did I ever let it happen this way? The hands which were capable of playing raaga-thaana-pallavi on veena now can't even think of playing one full keerthane :(

Me, who could give 3 hour dance (Bharathanatyam) performances cannot even run for 30 minutes continously on the treadmill (yuck!! what a terrible comparison! Art to exercise!).

So what happened to the artist-me? She is lost. Lost in this mad mad world. I made a mistake. I should have never given it a "break", thinking that I could always get back to it!

I miss those days, when I used to get into a totally different world while playing Thyagaraja's compositions or Purandaradasa's devaranaamas endlessly on my veena. When I became Rukmini of Krishna on stage, or Sita of Raama or Shabari waiting for Raama, or Rukmini's mother helping her elope with Krishna ;-), or just a dancer emoting so many abhinayas on stage, dancing to the intricate choreography of my dance teacher. Damn! I miss it too much.

So should I just drop everything that I have and go after what I am "passionate" about? I wish I could do that! The problem is that I enjoy work too... I like being in this corporate world. I love my job. It's challenging, fruitful and nice.

So the big question still stays: "Am I in the right place?"

Married women Vs. Dressing sense

What's with these married women? No, Seriously..? What happens to their dressing sense after marriage? Is it that you no longer have to impress anybody that you no longer care how you dress?

Yesterday I saw one woman in a desi store. Red Saree, a nice one at that. But... Wait, a green blouse to it! There was not even one dot of green anywhere in the saree. If it was just that, I would have left it there thinking she didn't exactly think about attire while coming for grocery shopping. But she wore a big blue earring and pink (a very bright one at that) lipstick. That shows she had actually put some effort in dressing up! But the result was bad to say the least.

Hello! Did you think that I am talking about some "aunt"? Nopes she was a young girl! In her 25 something.

If this was one off case then I would surely not bother writing a big blog about it and eat your head also... But NO, this is not a one off case.

I have my own aunts and cousins who are examples for this "AMD" (After Marriage Dressing) syndrome. They actually dress very nicely before marriage... But once the oath is taken gone are the good dresses and good accessories going with it.

I am not biased towards desi females. The so called well-dressed phirangi females are no better either... I thought wearing jeans above your waist with a belt and a straight cut was gone-with-the-wind kinds. But no, if you see anyone wearing jeans that way just stop her and ask her if she is married. You will not get a no for an answer.

I guess they also forget what is best to wear for their body structure. Tucking in the shirt when you have a large tummy is not exactly very appealing to the on-lookers eyes! Before anybody shouts at me for being insensitive and all that.. Please I am not saying everybody should and must have a hour glass figure! Please NO! I am just wondering why can't they wear appropriate clothes. That's all.

If they were like this from day one then fine, nothing more can be said about it. But if this happens only after marriage.. Then there must be some reason to it. Some reasons I can think of:

• Once you find the man of your life, then that's it! No need to look nice to anybody else. I wonder though, is not required to look nice in front of the man of your life?
• There is absolutely no time to think about dress and all... Give a break.. After all they are married... Marriage is a LOT of work.
• I just don't care! Now that I am already married nobody will say " If you be like this, then nobody will marry you!" ;-)
• There is more to life than appearance! - Though I feel that's the "first" thing anybody will notice about you.
• Oh! My husband wants me to dress this way, he likes this combination so much you see. - What is he? Color blind?

That's all I can think of. Any more insightful comments are welcome specially from the married folk.

Surprisingly it's completely opposite with men! The "I care a damn" bachelor looks are replaced by nice fitting + clean + well-maintained clothes + clean shoes.

Wait a sec.. I think I got the answer, the wify is so busy taking care of her hubby that she forgets to take care of herself and keep up with the fashion trend of the day! That's it!. Period.

My Latest Crush...

For all the ignorants like me.. he is Patrick Dempsey. I saw this picture by chance while reading this article. And MY! Is he HOT!!!
I almost skipped a heart beat when I first saw his picture. Isn't it amazing how some people attract you just by their looks.
If you (specially the girls) want to know more about him, you click right away here!

P.S: Shah Rukh Khan is still number 1 on the list though!

Eloped? Get locked!

Reference:

Gist of the Link: Boy loves girl. Elopes with her. Parents find him. Lock him up till he gets "better" (after all marrying a woman of your choice is a sin!). That's a "normal" story in India.

So what am I blogging about here?

• One, in the above incident the poor guy was locked up for 15 years!! Can you imagine that? He spent 15 years of his formative life in a single room without a toilet!
• His mother claims : He was acting insane after we separated him..hence we locked him up! - Quite a valid reason to lock up somebody huh?
• She also claims that she cleaned the room everyday, but he never assaulted her - what was he to do? kill his own mother?
• No charges have been framed against the parents, becasue they could not find any criminal motive behind it! - Isn't spoiling somebody's life criminal enough? Denying a person of basic rights isn't criminal?

So what if they are his parents? I do not deny the fact that parents do a lot for their children, and hence it's childrens' duty to listen to them and heed to their wishes. But isn't there a limit for everything. Also, even if he did not listen to them and brought them "dis-credit" by running away.. does that give them the right to do this way?

What did they acheive from this? They separated him from that girl because they thought that he would not be happy with her (whatever might be the reasons). Now did they keep him happy?

This is not just a one off incident. I had a friend whose mother used to beat her left and right if she even "looked" at other "guys". The "other" guys were sometimes her cousins in a function!

Are our children our "commodity"? Just becasue we gave birth to them, does it give us the right to do "whatever" with them?

When we have any trouble... we first go to our parents... but in these cases, the parents themselves are the trouble makers.. where do such children go for help?

I broke a NAIL

Yes :( It all started with bowling last Friday. My first ball.. And it slipped my hand and broke the nail on my right hand thumb. The nail came off with a bit of skin too! It hurt like hell! But all was forgotten while enjoying the game. I had 2 perfect strikes :D

(P.S: I don't do bowling very regularly so 2 is a big number for me in a game!).

Thought it would end there.. But do things EVER go as I think it would?

I broke another one, this time middle finger while lifting my laptop bag! These laptops can get very heavy sometimes.. specially if is made by one company named DELL :P.

Another down...

Today! Yes today another one... booohoooooo Index finger this time.. While I was drying my hair!

I have decided. Out they go... All 5 of them today! (K got it! Remaining 3 :( )My right hand is jinxed.

Che.. All this just when I had planned to attend a function tomorrow night and even bought a brand new nailpolish for it!!!!

Cruel fate!

Calvin - The ULTIMATE kid!

Doesn't HIS words sound perfect for today's situation? On one side with the advent of the so-called technology, we are spoiling the natural resources left and right! On the other hand every country that I know of is fighting with some other for some reason or other. I just hope as he says, the fighting will stop some day!!!!

God, Please let me have a son/daughter who thinks/acts just like Calvin... My life will be so very interesting...:D (Getting selfish huh? Well Yes! Anything... as long as I have a child like Calvin!).

Summers

This post is in reply to this!

Thank God! The summer is finally gone. Am I happy? Yayyyhhh!!!!!

• Don't have to wake up with sweat in your hair and smelling awful.
• Finally you can wear all those full-sleeved tops. Sleevless stuff is a lot of work! (Girls will appreciate this more.. I know)
• Romantic mood in the air.... mmmmm P.... I miss you.
• No need to bother about a few extra pounds here are there.. those long jackets will hide everything ;-)
• Even if you don't take bath... since you don't sweat so much you won't stink so much! (This is against my principles though! This is just to add a reply to the above post.)
• The city looks beautiful (read clean)!!!! - wherever you see it is white. White is pure.. White stands for peace.. White is beautiful (again read clean!)
• Moisturisers are so much better and smell so nice than those stupid sun screen lotions.. which are sticky to say the least (yuckkk)
• Headache, well... you get that even if you stand in the sun for long! Pee-breaks - Now you can tell "truthfully" that you could work only for 6 hours a day instead of the usual 8 hours..;-) due to "natural" reasons!!!!
• Gym... There is always something called evening, if early morning is tough! And you feel nice and warm after a workout... as against sweaty, tired and miserable during summers!
• Now how is eating connected with weather? As long as you cook at home.. and re-heat everytime you eat.. it's bliss... Ahhh Sambar/Rasam rice is best eaten when it's boiling hot.. imagine doing that in summer...!!!!

Welcome Winter... welcome welcome.. I have been waiting for you!

What's the big deal?

With all the hungaama going on about making Vande Mataram compulsory in schools, I wonder... Does it really matter? Does singing a song "define" how patriotic we are? I do not deny that it's a great song, with lots of history behind it.
Vande Mataram, in it's true sense was not a song. It was a "feeling". All our freedom fighters sang it in one voice. Nobody (at that time) even bothered if they were Hindu, Christian, Muslim , Sikh... They sang it for it's "spirit". How come it did not hurt their religious sentiments then?
Ok, lets assume that at "that" time, the only thing in their mind was "freedom" and didn't really bother about the intricacies of a song. But NOW.. Things are different, people "think" a lot.. (the MEDIA definitely adds on to the thinking!). So now they feel the song is inappropriate for Muslim beliefs. So be it! Let them not sing it!
When will we ever grow up? Doesn't the government (read Mr.Arjun Singh) doesn't have any better work to do? Don't they realize that making anything "compulsory" makes everybody want to rebel against it? Why this now? Don't they have anything else to think about? What about poverty, unemployment, malnutrition, education (oh yes! They took care of it with 50% reservation ;-)), female infant killings, goondaism, smuggling, drugs... Oh forget it! The list is endless.. But only to me! All HE can think about is how to rake up a controversy! He is bent upon dividing us! He is the modern age Shakuni. Grrrrrrr
I don't think anybody has to prove their patriotism by singing a song! I studied in a convent, and everyday we used to sing songs praising Jesus, did it make me any less Indian?
Ha!Ha! We boast our heart out saying we are secular.. blah! blah! And then we "enforce" things... Widening the already existing gap between different sects of people! God help him! God help our country!
Vande Mataram!

- A proud, but a very sad Indian!