So when did shark get an L.L.B you might be wondering after seeing the title..? Let me correct it. Its in-law lessons :-)! After 7 months of marriage and living with in-laws here’s some Gyan for future daughter in-laws…
- Mothers are simply blindly in love with their sons ;-) The sooner you accept it the better marital life you will have. Whatever the son asks for he gets it. If P asks for coffee/tea even 100 times in a day, his mom will make it for him... and that too with a smile on her face :-) I wonder if I will do that even for my son without cribbing about it :-/. Sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable seeing a grown up man being pampered that way :P I wonder why mothers don’t do the same for their daughters? My SILs come to our house... but they cook and clean and help… never have I seen them being pampered by my mil ;-)
- Never display your love for your husband in front of them physically. First of all they are older generation people and don’t approve of physical display of affection even inside the house. Second of all, such gestures cause instant insecurity that the other woman enjoys more closeness with my son types.
- Accept it. She knows the best about her son. What he likes to eat, when he wants to go out etc.., as wives, we naturally tend to force our taste on our husbands. I mean, I like having healthy breakfast... like cornflakes and fruit... things like that. But P is not brought up that way; he likes to have rice (lemon rice, puliyogare etc) for breakfast, which I consider very heavy. When we were living together without our in-laws I used to force my “health-food” on him… poor P. But now his mom just knows what to make for him and makes it... and of course scores 100s of brownie points ;-)
- Never “tell” what your husband has asked for you to do. Simply do it. Else it will get done faster by your mil... and more points for her :P. Just to cite an example, last Sunday P wanted to have oil bath and asked me to massage his hair with oil. I kept the oil on the stove for warming and told my mil to switch it off in 2 mins, as I had to use the bathroom. By the time I came back she had already started massaging. There goes my much-dreamed-about romantic oil massage experience ;-).
- Praise her as much as possible. My mil is a fantastic cook... I simply adore her cooking. But she can’t make north Indian dishes... that’s my forte *ahem*. But the moment I make something different, she says “Oh this is very easy, I can also make it from next time”… So I tell her, “No amma, I will only make these things. If you make these things also fantastically, then I will be left with nothing to be called my own”... she is very happy that I have accepted her as the Mistress of the Kitchen :)
- They will and always will talk about children. Listen to them, smile and say yes. That’s it. Even if you have other plans. It was just 3 months since we were married, but the whole family (including my side) couldn’t stop asking “so when will the good news come”.. I am like aaaarrrrgggghh! Why can’t it be left to us to decide? Is having a child the very next step after marriage?
- Most of all set the expectations right the first time. No need to go on an impressing spree in the beginning and then start cribbing that you can’t live up to it. Every small thing matters.
- Wearing slippers at home. Not many elders approve of it, but I get cracked feet if I don’t… so I made it clear in the beginning that they will have to please excuse me for this.
- I don’t wake up “early” on weekends. I am totally zapped by the end of the week... (You have seen my schedule here!) I need to catch up on sleep over the weekends. Now everybody at home have late breakfast on weekends (Since it’s my cooking time over the weekends :-))
- Cooking: I offered to cook, but I can cook only in the night as that’s when I get time. But since my mil stays at home, she prefers to make fresh food in the morning... which is fine with me. But then I can’t help her in the kitchen... and this she knows.
- Make your priorities clear: Like, I give lot of importance to my career. Just make it clear to them, lest they expect something which you won’t be able to fulfill.
- Last but not the least, treat them just like your parents. After all, you don’t agree with everything what your parents say... but you still live with them lovingly. It’s the same way here; just that there are little more differences because of obviously different upbringing. The key is, just say yes the first time, then make your point and say no if you feel like. They will always take it better than a big no in the beginning itself.
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Happy wooing your in-laws ;-)
