Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Law Lessons

So when did shark get an L.L.B you might be wondering after seeing the title..? Let me correct it. Its in-law lessons :-)! After 7 months of marriage and living with in-laws here’s some Gyan for future daughter in-laws…

  • Mothers are simply blindly in love with their sons ;-) The sooner you accept it the better marital life you will have. Whatever the son asks for he gets it. If P asks for coffee/tea even 100 times in a day, his mom will make it for him... and that too with a smile on her face :-) I wonder if I will do that even for my son without cribbing about it :-/. Sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable seeing a grown up man being pampered that way :P I wonder why mothers don’t do the same for their daughters? My SILs come to our house... but they cook and clean and help… never have I seen them being pampered by my mil ;-)
  • Never display your love for your husband in front of them physically. First of all they are older generation people and don’t approve of physical display of affection even inside the house. Second of all, such gestures cause instant insecurity that the other woman enjoys more closeness with my son types.
  • Accept it. She knows the best about her son. What he likes to eat, when he wants to go out etc.., as wives, we naturally tend to force our taste on our husbands. I mean, I like having healthy breakfast... like cornflakes and fruit... things like that. But P is not brought up that way; he likes to have rice (lemon rice, puliyogare etc) for breakfast, which I consider very heavy. When we were living together without our in-laws I used to force my “health-food” on him… poor P. But now his mom just knows what to make for him and makes it... and of course scores 100s of brownie points ;-)
  • Never “tell” what your husband has asked for you to do. Simply do it. Else it will get done faster by your mil... and more points for her :P. Just to cite an example, last Sunday P wanted to have oil bath and asked me to massage his hair with oil. I kept the oil on the stove for warming and told my mil to switch it off in 2 mins, as I had to use the bathroom. By the time I came back she had already started massaging. There goes my much-dreamed-about romantic oil massage experience ;-).
  • Praise her as much as possible. My mil is a fantastic cook... I simply adore her cooking. But she can’t make north Indian dishes... that’s my forte *ahem*. But the moment I make something different, she says “Oh this is very easy, I can also make it from next time”… So I tell her, “No amma, I will only make these things. If you make these things also fantastically, then I will be left with nothing to be called my own”... she is very happy that I have accepted her as the Mistress of the Kitchen :)
  • They will and always will talk about children. Listen to them, smile and say yes. That’s it. Even if you have other plans. It was just 3 months since we were married, but the whole family (including my side) couldn’t stop asking “so when will the good news come”.. I am like aaaarrrrgggghh! Why can’t it be left to us to decide? Is having a child the very next step after marriage?
  • Most of all set the expectations right the first time. No need to go on an impressing spree in the beginning and then start cribbing that you can’t live up to it. Every small thing matters.
    • Wearing slippers at home. Not many elders approve of it, but I get cracked feet if I don’t… so I made it clear in the beginning that they will have to please excuse me for this.
    • I don’t wake up “early” on weekends. I am totally zapped by the end of the week... (You have seen my schedule here!) I need to catch up on sleep over the weekends. Now everybody at home have late breakfast on weekends (Since it’s my cooking time over the weekends :-))
    • Cooking: I offered to cook, but I can cook only in the night as that’s when I get time. But since my mil stays at home, she prefers to make fresh food in the morning... which is fine with me. But then I can’t help her in the kitchen... and this she knows.
    • Make your priorities clear: Like, I give lot of importance to my career. Just make it clear to them, lest they expect something which you won’t be able to fulfill.
    • >

  • Last but not the least, treat them just like your parents. After all, you don’t agree with everything what your parents say... but you still live with them lovingly. It’s the same way here; just that there are little more differences because of obviously different upbringing. The key is, just say yes the first time, then make your point and say no if you feel like. They will always take it better than a big no in the beginning itself.

Happy wooing your in-laws ;-)


GuNs said...

Ha ha... fun post! Like "An ABCD to in-lawing" or something.

But "Like, I give lot of importance to my career."
I am sure few in-laws would like to hear that statement especially people from the last generation. Not because it is wrong but it is worded incorrectly. I don't know about you but when I hear someone say THAT statement (even my male friends), I happen to automatically append a "even a lot more than I do to my family/social life" and frankly, it is true in most cases.

Best of luck!


Anonymous said...

awesome advice....

can you please help guys as well with these kinda advices....

pavan kumar said...

kyunki shark bhi kabhie machlee thee :D

Kadalabal said...

very good points for ponder particularly for to be married girls
your narration and explanations point by point is superb. at this rate you can write a book tips on how to win in laws. like suka samsarakke 12 sootragalu.
hardika shubhashyagalu for sharing all this here and wish many more will flow from you end and we can enjoy the nuiances of life, various facets of life
thanks once again

Anonymous said...

How about writing one similar for the guys, like "How to manage both wife and mother without burning bridges either side".....will be very useful u know.....

shark said...

@guns: It's not as if I value career more than my personal life, but I give equal importance to it.

Like I won't take leaves just for anything and everything... I am not in a 9 to 5 job ... Money is not the only thing that makes me work, it gives me personal satisfaction... My job involves travelling sometimes outside India... things like that :)

@anon1: How can I talk about guys? This I have written from my personal experience... Maybe I should ask my husband to start a blog and write the other side of the story ;-)

@pavan: he.. he.. :P

@kadalabal: Thumba thanksu... isthondu hogalabeedi.. yeeno thoochiddhu barde ashte :)

@anon2: This request will be forwarded to my husband :)

Anonymous said...

good idea... ask your P to start writing blogs. The we can see two views for the same event. that would be awesome....

Anonymous said...


"If P asks for coffee/tea even 100 times in a day, his mom will make it for him... and that too with a smile on her face "

that is typical indian mom behaviour. after all, this same buddy when a baby probably refused to eat and was force fed thrice (and maybe more times) a day. now, anytime he asks for any kinda edible item of his own volition is probably a triumph of motherhood. no wonder mom is happy to make anything dear son wants ;-).

"But now his mom just knows what to make for him and makes it... and of course scores 100s of brownie points"

and who eats those brownies, if i may ask? ;-)

"There goes my much-dreamed-about romantic oil massage experience "

sour grapes, eh? i was telling v.b. the other day, looks like mil and dil play tug of war, but fil and sil try to repel the common object of affection(?) ;-). no wonder, the friction between mil and dil is so much more than the friction (if any) between fil and sil.

"“so when will the good news come”.. "

i wonder what the scene will be like if you get home one day and announce "good news ..." and when everyone is all ears, say "i've got a promotion/raise/..." ;-)

nice list of points. and i agree with what the other anonymice suggested, get p to write his point of view too. would be nice to get his survival guide out in the open.

bottom line: bahoo bhee kabhee saas banegee :-) [pavan, i like this better than your comment :-)].

- s.b.

Veena Shivanna said...

Very good points..
Oil massaging ha ha :-0)

Did P read this post and what was his response on those? certainly he would have few things to say about...

Last point, how about showing this post to Ekta kapoor, kyonki aisi saas bahu bhi hai(hein?) :-)

shark said...

@s.b: finally you are back with your long comments :) I like that...

The brownies will be won by my mil but fed to her son ;-) (back to sqare one huh?)

Ah the mil-dil friction and fil-sil non-friction... women in general are possesive about their personal things.. we are more passionate hence all this frictional drama ;-)
Men like to be aloof.. atleast from whatever things possible... so :)

oh ya :( my promotion will just be a "news" not a "wow!" types good news :((((

@veena: I don't know if P has read this or not.. will have to ask him to read and comment here only alwa...? :)

Anonymous said...

:) cool post Shark! I must say you are lucky with your in-laws though! In my experience, an average north Indian mil is much more conservative. Not that I got a chance to determine the "average" first hand ;).

My promotion / hike is not even a "news"... I just get an indifferent "Ok" and sometimes the width of lips increase by about 2 mm that I think is a smile.

On pressure to have kids - I redirect my mil to my husband, and she o'course does not talk to him about it. yay!

Ok said...

"No amma, I will only make these things. If you make these things also fantastically, then I will be left with nothing to be called my own.”

First, Bravo! For being so diplomatic.

Second, "Amma":)

Hey you have the whole m-i-l wooing detailed to a science.

shark said...

@anon3: Leave some name.. so that I can know what to address you :)

Yes, (touch wood) I have been lucky with my in-laws.. :)
I think promotion and all they are not bothered.. they want children to get rid of boredom at home ;-)
he.he.. redirecting to my husband does not work here :( she will ask him only directly :)

@ok: he..he.. science huh? If only I could "prove" some things.. :-/

Anonymous said...

This is the same anonymous that left the 'lucky abt your mil' comment. You think I can leave a name after such a comment..huh? :P

shark said...

some fictitious name will also do.. just to differenciate one anon from another :)