Human nature is sure weird. Come to think of it I don't even know if its weird or confusing or straightforward (as human psychologists claim) or whatever...
Case1: My mom, a few years back had a slip disc and that troubles her every now and then. But you should have seen her during my sis's wedding. Everything was perfectly managed and her energy levels were on an all time high. Warnings from any number of family members to take care of herself fell on deaf ears. The very next day after the wedding her pains bounced back ;-). I know that people rise up to the situation and she also had to do it as it was her own daughters wedding and all that.... so are all ailments just in our mind? Can we overcome just anything and everything just by being strong in our mind?
Case2: Unfortunately my mom-in-law met with an accident recently and her left hand little finger had to be amputed. She also has a fracture in her wrist and so has a cast on her left hand. She is able to use only her right hand for now. But this has made her over sensitive. She insists on doing work with her one hand. If somebody offers to help she gets upset. My sister-in-law is home to help her take bath and all... but if she tries to overdo the helping part, she gets back immediately. She not only wants to do her own work, but also wants to do other house hold work. She used to completely manage the kicthen before and so now not being able to do that must have hurt her confidence really bad. Also I noticed one more thing. The moment people become too "sympathetic" she gets defensive. P and me tried to tell this subtely to my sister-in-laws not to greive about the bad thing that has happened in front of my mil. But then can't blame them as well... its their mother and they can't see that she is suffering, tries to help her as much as they can and inturn get scoldings ;-)
Now this is also a case of mind game. Empathysing with her physical pain, I can't help but feel that this "insecurity" and all is just again in her mind.
Case3: P. My most fav character for analysis. Its almost 9 years since I know him, but even now I can't predict how he will react in certain situations. He reacts in totally different ways for the same situation/condition on different days. Like for example, the other day I mentioned I was feeling very tired becasue of all this extra work (office, college, home and ofcourse P), he was very sympathetic... said that this is all temporary and from the next day he even got up with me at 5:30 in the morning to help me in the kitchen. Now thats a starightforward reaction from a caring husband. But then hold on.. thats not the end of the story. On last friday, I had to skip breakfast as I got late for college and had to rush. We were celebrating "Paksha" on that day in our house so when I came back from college in the afternoon there were guests at home, so couldn't have lunch also on time.. finally when I had lunch at 4pm I felt really really tired and had to sleep off for a few minutes to be able to walk again. That evening when I told that it happened this way, he shouted back at me saying he can't help it if I don't have food on time. He is not to be blamed. He cannot spoon feed me all the time and all that..... All I expected from him this time also was the same old reaction you know... just say that "oho... did it happen like that? make sure you get up 20 mins early from next time and eat breakfast..". That's it, nothing more, nothing less. But no, all I get is shoutings...
What should we call this. People behave differently in different situations is completely understandable, but why do people behave so differently for same situations?
P.S: have noticed that I analyse things a bit too much, like the above paragraph. I can't just move on thinking that yes people behave like this and that's the be all and end all. I always end up analysing anything and everything. Any tried and tested way to stop this tendency?
Case1: My mom, a few years back had a slip disc and that troubles her every now and then. But you should have seen her during my sis's wedding. Everything was perfectly managed and her energy levels were on an all time high. Warnings from any number of family members to take care of herself fell on deaf ears. The very next day after the wedding her pains bounced back ;-). I know that people rise up to the situation and she also had to do it as it was her own daughters wedding and all that.... so are all ailments just in our mind? Can we overcome just anything and everything just by being strong in our mind?
Case2: Unfortunately my mom-in-law met with an accident recently and her left hand little finger had to be amputed. She also has a fracture in her wrist and so has a cast on her left hand. She is able to use only her right hand for now. But this has made her over sensitive. She insists on doing work with her one hand. If somebody offers to help she gets upset. My sister-in-law is home to help her take bath and all... but if she tries to overdo the helping part, she gets back immediately. She not only wants to do her own work, but also wants to do other house hold work. She used to completely manage the kicthen before and so now not being able to do that must have hurt her confidence really bad. Also I noticed one more thing. The moment people become too "sympathetic" she gets defensive. P and me tried to tell this subtely to my sister-in-laws not to greive about the bad thing that has happened in front of my mil. But then can't blame them as well... its their mother and they can't see that she is suffering, tries to help her as much as they can and inturn get scoldings ;-)
Now this is also a case of mind game. Empathysing with her physical pain, I can't help but feel that this "insecurity" and all is just again in her mind.
Case3: P. My most fav character for analysis. Its almost 9 years since I know him, but even now I can't predict how he will react in certain situations. He reacts in totally different ways for the same situation/condition on different days. Like for example, the other day I mentioned I was feeling very tired becasue of all this extra work (office, college, home and ofcourse P), he was very sympathetic... said that this is all temporary and from the next day he even got up with me at 5:30 in the morning to help me in the kitchen. Now thats a starightforward reaction from a caring husband. But then hold on.. thats not the end of the story. On last friday, I had to skip breakfast as I got late for college and had to rush. We were celebrating "Paksha" on that day in our house so when I came back from college in the afternoon there were guests at home, so couldn't have lunch also on time.. finally when I had lunch at 4pm I felt really really tired and had to sleep off for a few minutes to be able to walk again. That evening when I told that it happened this way, he shouted back at me saying he can't help it if I don't have food on time. He is not to be blamed. He cannot spoon feed me all the time and all that..... All I expected from him this time also was the same old reaction you know... just say that "oho... did it happen like that? make sure you get up 20 mins early from next time and eat breakfast..". That's it, nothing more, nothing less. But no, all I get is shoutings...
What should we call this. People behave differently in different situations is completely understandable, but why do people behave so differently for same situations?
P.S: have noticed that I analyse things a bit too much, like the above paragraph. I can't just move on thinking that yes people behave like this and that's the be all and end all. I always end up analysing anything and everything. Any tried and tested way to stop this tendency?
4 comments:
I have seen this happening quite often with me too. I think the reaction that you witnessed is the most logical and the most rational one and I believe that it would be the most honest one too. It would make us feel better when people tell us what we want to hear. And people do that all the time because thats how our whole society operates. Showing empathy is something that we expect from fellow humans and it is something that we give away freely too.
In this case, I would say that your friend must be in some kind of stress to admonish you in that way.
on a lighter note, human psychology and blogger's psychology are different, you see. ;)
it is very true what has been captured, yes because you see minutely u r able to catch them too.
First case yes it is same with all mothers when it comes to functions which they feel is much important they just forget everything and u dont know from where they get that energy and overstrain themselves and it is just willpower that works and after the event and everyone leaves suffering will bounce back with a bang
second case also 100 % true after certain age people feel no one must think they are of no value so they are not ready hear or sny one symathise with them so they again with grit and will carry on and will succeed in most of the cases
case 3 the difference between earlier two cases and this is the difference in age and the intimacy which is quite different so this is individual nature and will differ from person to person. their behavious will different at different times. it is not that they are not caring but they will also be under tension stress etc., which make them to react differently at different times for the same situation and intimacy make them more stubborn it is human nature. most of the cases we do the things told by neighbours or others and refuse when told by our own people. it is part of life
different moods make them to react differently thast all situations will make them to raise and do and will power belongingness etc., will add their own value
pranesh
@spookie: Stressed all of us are. But when unexpected reactions come by somehow you are not prepared to handle it.
@bellur: he he :)
@pranesh: "most of the cases we do the things told by neighbours or others and refuse when told by our own people." - well said!
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