tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post114842001897523846..comments2023-10-25T07:45:35.973-07:00Comments on Encounters of Life: Time and LoveSharkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08988390811396242179noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1149749860819536632006-06-07T23:57:00.000-07:002006-06-07T23:57:00.000-07:00Pavan:Extremely sensible and sane comment! And the...<B>Pavan:</B><BR/>Extremely sensible and sane comment! And the truth I guess is the same!<BR/><BR/><B>Shark:</B><BR/>Let me try addressing your concerns. I read your case studies and have this to say about them: There can be hundred answers to why this happened or why that happened?! So, lets leave the situational factors and get to the actual cause. <BR/><BR/>My two cents is that, it's all about <B>acceptance</B>. There is a certain level of acceptance between husband and wife. Whereas between children and parents, its absolute. Now this certain level should slowly rise towards being absolute. And it takes a conscious effort to do that. <I>That's what is called as working on the relationship</I> by so many of our friends here. By <I>working on the relationship</I> what we are trying to achieve is that absolute acceptance. <BR/><BR/>Take some case studies of your parents or your grandparents. Observe what they do when they have a disagreement. Nothing. They practically do nothing. Crib, yes, once in a while they do that, but then they are in total agreement with the decision and support the other when consequences of the decision are being faced. Now, that's total absolute acceptance of each other.<BR/><BR/>What is your idea of Love? Think about it. In the name of Love, how many things like possessiveness and other things exist. Love is generally called an emotion. If it is so, then it has to change with time. There is no gainsaying that! But then Love is not this or that, Love is the ultimate. If you define love you have lost the concept!Mysoreanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17055458584748751486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1149019231768565632006-05-30T13:00:00.000-07:002006-05-30T13:00:00.000-07:00@Pavan: *Clap* *Clap*. Perfect! I guess I got my a...@Pavan: *Clap* *Clap*. Perfect! I guess I got my answer when you said this,<BR/>*One has a choice outside marriage*<BR/><BR/>this,<BR/><BR/>*frustration, peer pressure, ego and other things take over *<BR/><BR/>and THIS!<BR/><BR/>*parenting is lil like dictatorship (but never the less with high doses of unconditional love).. *<BR/><BR/>@Prakash: Well this EGO is a very bad thing, and we all know that so well... But still it does not leave us !! How sad and how true..:(<BR/><BR/>@Hardu: "Trust".. I am assuming you agree that there should be some limit to this trust thing also! otherwise people take disadvantage of it, right?<BR/><BR/>@WB: Completely agree with you! when things are not going very well, people end up thinking that the marraige is over instead of rectifying it!Sharkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08988390811396242179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1148674296425776682006-05-26T13:11:00.000-07:002006-05-26T13:11:00.000-07:00I feel the first and foremost hing is trust. Even ...I feel the first and foremost hing is trust. Even if your partner has lied to you about something, you should have that much trust in him/her that that lie was said due to some reason. You should give the other person the benefit of doubt.<BR/><BR/>The reason why all these happen "after" 3-4 years of marriage and not before is because after marriage we starting taking our partners for granted. That makes all the difference in the world. You assume that you can say and do as you please. You feel that there is no limit but there is probably no such thing as no limit in any relationship.In some relationships the limit might be more and in some less but there IS a limit to the kind of freedom you can taken in any kind of relationship.Mrudula Sreekanthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06240562288123664565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1148661382699862012006-05-26T09:36:00.000-07:002006-05-26T09:36:00.000-07:00hmmn.. tough one and thought provoking.. take this...hmmn.. tough one and thought provoking.. take this with a sac of salt:<BR/><BR/>(*) In marriage, nobody gets ('supposedly') an uper hand.. hence its very democratic.. every opinion counts.. hence ego breeds as everyone expects to be listened and wants to command, whereas parenting is lil like dictatorship (but never the less with high doses of unconditional love).. hence one cries, skips food etc. but gets back to normal life as a child.. in marriage things are different.. its a playground (perception prob)<BR/><BR/>(*) One has a choice outside marriage.. there can be another marriage after divorce hence plenty of options.. hence the careless attitude and lack of "will" to work on the relationship (which is wrong) whereas it sounds weird if one leaves the parents and prefers to get adopted by a another couple (am I making sense?)<BR/><BR/>(*) I wouldnt argue that because our parents see us right from our birth.. there is more understanding.. one could put in the same efforts, understanding and patience in a relationship but one doesnt.. why? frustration, peer pressure, ego and other things take overpavan kumarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03833083673202124658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1148592618024350412006-05-25T14:30:00.000-07:002006-05-25T14:30:00.000-07:00@WB: You are right! I think the feeling DOES fade ...@WB: You are right! I think the feeling DOES fade away!<BR/>Thanks for the appreciation :)Sharkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08988390811396242179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1148569483421801682006-05-25T08:04:00.000-07:002006-05-25T08:04:00.000-07:00@CV: I completely agree with you. But my question ...@CV: I completely agree with you. But my question was why is it this way?<BR/><BR/>@GI: :) Don't think about this too much.. you first find somebody and then you can think about these..;-)<BR/><BR/>@WB: Which truth? And she happens to be a good friend of mine.. there was no reason for her to lie.<BR/><BR/>And regarding case 2: I definitely do not deny that there is an other side to it.. but that's not my point. My point is where did all that "love" between them go?<BR/><BR/>It does not matter if I am married or not...:) But then, these are my good friends and I feel sad for them.. at the same time I am kind of get insecure sometimes..."what if this happens with me?"Sharkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08988390811396242179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1148467583115958472006-05-24T03:46:00.000-07:002006-05-24T03:46:00.000-07:00I can not answer this Q coz I am not married! But ...I can not answer this Q coz I am not married! But seriously, I agree with CV i guess.Shoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18120226121104956412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20299555.post-1148444473321691942006-05-23T21:21:00.000-07:002006-05-23T21:21:00.000-07:00I think when it comes to a spouse the expectation ...I think when it comes to a spouse the expectation are higher and the demands are much higher and moreoever it is very hard to accept the fact that people change as they grow and therefore expectations change too. <BR/><BR/>I feel that the moment we stop working on the relationship it is on the rocks. Most of us are of the idea that once we are married we don't need to bother about the relationship as much as we did before. <BR/><BR/>With siblings and parents, I beleive we do not expect them to 'play their role to perfection' everyday I guess which is why those relationships are is easygoing and hence more stable...<BR/><BR/>I wonder if I am right...claytonia viceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01700112193424567973noreply@blogger.com